I don’t know about you guys but this is what I actually believe in. Probably you would say that it is quite normal to me since I am gay but that is not really the case. It does apply to heterosexual folks and for the record not all gay people are a bunch of promiscuous and sexaholic freaks as what the stereotypes normally exude.
I am sharing this one based upon my experiences and of course mere observations that I got from different people both straight and gay. I am not a sex expert or a leading counselor of relationships but this is just a normal person’s point of view and aside from that the readers of this blog can also share their own perceptions as well which is a very lovely thing to do.
So let’s get into business, I am not fond of courtships or whatever rituals or initiations one has to do in order to be in a relationship with someone. They always say that they want to know the person deeply before giving up their own treasure which is usually the main goal of the other party. But I think this is just a delaying tactic that should have been omitted. And we all know (do we?) that sex changes everything like turning a very sweet person into someone that is cold because they got what they wanted (i.e. post-cum jerks according to Empress Maruja). Or if not careful especially on the girls, an added bonus after nine months.
That’s why it is nice to start everything with a bang so that the expectations are low and the chances of getting hurt are slim. If the person you are shagging with is still the same or adores you more then probably you found a keeper. Also you know that the person is not just after the sex but who you really are which is very important to have a long term relationship.
So to wrap up this entry, I would like to ask my dear readers their view about this and also how to spot post-cum jerks to increase public awareness.
And by the way, some of my dear readers were asking about when is my wedding? The answer is on June 17, 2008 so hopefully the immigrations dept. will work faster on my papers so i’ll be back home in Norway a month before that.
That’s all.
P.S.
I am inviting everyone to check out Doof. It is a very nice site especially for people who are into online gaming and social networking. I just recently signed up there and I was wowed with the interface, the look and of course the friendly environment. So again I recommend that you guys should try Doof now!
I can see where you are coming from Chase. While I don’t think relationships should revolve around sex, that level of intimacy i’s still an important aspect of any relationship and I think it can be rewarding to explore how compatible you are on that level before making a serious commitment. Lots of relationships break down because of issues revolving around sex!
Personally, (when I was single!) I think it’s best to give it a short while before you dive in though. A handful of dates maybe?
PS I hope your Visa comes through!
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Hah, I used to loosely adhere to the “rule of thirds” (when I was single).
Meaning, if sex does not happen on the third date, doubt that something will happen ever.
What virgins (and celibates) who look down upon this practice fail to realize is that a relationship that started with sex does not make things any different. Whether or not it started with sex, what sustains the relationship are things beyond sex: genuine love, concern, trust, loyalty, the works.
If a person blames the shallowness of a relationship on giving in to sex, they’re just scapegoating sex for the fact that the relationship will remain shallow whether they were celibate or not.
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Congratulations on setting a wedding date — You’ll be a June Groom!
With respect to sex: I have no preconceived notions–but if you have sex on the first date, I suspect it probably lowers the LTR probabilities to some degree.
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I know how this is, this is the “test drive the car before you buy it” phrase, but in you aspect, test driving before the relationship. Maybe when I’m older I’ll be able to make decisions in my relationships sexually, but for now I guess I’m not too sure. I’ve had a bad experience with a man in that department and it certainly told me not to trust him anymore. I’ve got trust issues, more trust issues when there is sex involved haha.
Jeez I think I’m blabbing. Hahah but yeah I know I’ll be able to decide when I’m older I guess.
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Congratsss you have a date for your big day!Wow June! I was a june bride,too civil wed,church wed was held few months after. I hope everythings goes well chase hugsss
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I don’t have any outspoken views on this matter, really.
I guess it depends on how you tick. We are indeed all creatures shaped by our experiences, good or bad. And an experience will sometimes make you choose a different approach, but in the end we usually remain true to our own principles and values.
So I have nothing against our approach to things, I have nothing against any other approach.
You may have a point that you’ll get to the truth of the matter faster by shocking or forcing things, but then people can grow in to a relationship. Not giving enough time and space to do so can be taking a risk.
But then to each his own method
Wow, you’d be staying for such a long time in the Philippines?! I really do hope that you’d be able to go back before your wedding day so you can at least prepare everything and all the more be wonderful on that very special day!
(:
As for the discussion, I am not against pre-marital sex because anyone can do whatever they like and no one has controls over their desire. But whatever it is, it’s better to be careful; after all prevention is better than cure. It is always about the time and pace when it comes to sex; me thinks.
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17th of June is marked in my calendar (thats a Tuesday Chas?) and i do hope you’ll get your visa long before that.
To the subject, I’m not sure and its very individual i think, but also very personal. I would say relationship first and then sex to emphasize the bound of love and affection to each other. To me that kind of relationship is about intimesy and a gift from one partner to another.
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I should have, could have, would have said it but I didn’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t. Don’t Know What To Say.
Congrats Charles, on the wedding.
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i can sum it up to “sex = responsibility”.
I agree with RennyBA, Sex without intimacy is just a sex act…however, that doesn’t mean to say that on occasion you don’t need just sex.
It’s more meaningful when there’s intimacy…a relationship. But I have been known to just need sex…
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I think it actually depends on the person.. On ones perspective and whatever. But yeah I guess if you look at it that way, it makes sense. I mean we get the sex part out of the way [not that WE don't like it. Haha] ,, and really see if that person “loves” us or not.
Oh and by the way.
“It does apply to heterosexual folks and for the record not all gay people are a bunch of promiscuous and sexaholic freaks as what the stereotypes normally exude.”
YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.
That’s true! :p
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@: Also you know that the person is not just after the sex but who you really are which is very important to have a long term relationship.
I really do agree with it. SEX isn’t just sex at all. The intimacy and the cuddle after it is way much more important to me. Few guys are really into true relationships. But we members of the 3rd sex are still lucky! We don’t get that bonus point after 9 months! hehehehehe…
sex and more sex please……..
You have been tagged at http://anewgreenearth.com/?p=205
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about the subject i think nasa tao yun iba iba kasi attitude natin at environment na kinalakihan so i think it more on personal matter. pero kung ako relationship first before sex
i’m looking forward to your wedding chase this would be my first to witness eh man to man wedding though am sure sa blog ko lang makikita wedding nyo
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I think it all depends on the person. Because yes, sometimes, sex lang ang habol ng other party and there is nothing wrong when you engage in premarital sex. But be sure you are comfortable with it. Wag yung go with the flow lang…
Ay, was I able to answer the question? heheh
Have a safe week, Chase! I wish you get back to Norway sooner than soon
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First of all, I’m gald to know that you and Odd have fixed a date for the wedding. Hopefully you will get the visa soon enough to do the preparation.
About sex, like some people mention, it depends on the person. As long as they do it without hurting others, that’s fine by me. As for myself, I would make a guy wait for a very long time before giving in. The thing is, if the guy is after sex only, they would leave me immediately. Then at least I know he is not the one.
no news yet from immigration? i hope it’ll be fixed before the year ends.
re your main topic.. i still think it’s best to wait after marriage. yes, they say that you should know if you’re sexually compatible already.. but i think your love can surpass the sexual compatibility
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OMG !!! I am sooo excited for you - wedding in June 2008. I hope I can attend - can you please invite me??? And oh, yes, sex is important before marriage, just to eliminate what is not really important!
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I think it depends on the person. I usually wait a while before I do anything. I crave intimacy with my partner and that isn’t always sex but I do think it’s important to be sexually compatible or at least have a partner that is willing to explore.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding. I’m so happy for the two of you.
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im a virgin
kagabi lang nag inuman kami ng mga workmates ko… and then this one girl, asked my guy friend to go out and have sex.. tinanong kaming mga lalaki ng guy friend ko kung ano gagawin niya, siyempre, its a natural response for a guy to say YES diba…
and yun alis na sila, maya maya, balik sa guy friend, ambilis! malamang walang nangyari… and the guy friend told us that if they will have sex that night, committment follows, na ayaw ng guy friend ko… sabi namin, if the girl wants to do it for nothing, go, but if she wants relationship after, we told our guy friend its up to him…
end - walang nangyari…
i do believe in sex compatibility..so,before starting a deeper relationship,it is a necessity to test each other.thats my opinion.
and hell no,its no matter of someone`s gender,we all do I guess
BTW,nice and cute pic,Chase,haha!
Thanx for coming!!
thanx and hugs!
ghee
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Wow, your getting married in 6 mos
Congratulations again.
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Hey Lil Bro’ I haven’t commented for a while. So you’re going to be a June Bride how wonderful. I hope you get back home before then. I’m sure Odd is chewing up the furniture waiting for his mate to return. I think strict laws were developed to govern relationships because of the chance of children coming along. Since Gays mating won’t result in children sex should come early and often in a relationship. A big hug to Chase and Odd you guys rock!
i once thought relationship first before sex. but. i learned my lesson well.
the best way to find out the pc jerk. have sex with him. but with the condom.
and yes. dear sweetie. congratulations. i may be in lillehammer in june 2008 so can i drop by at your wedding? haha.
My take - people should do things when they mutually feel comfortable and want to do them. Sex is a beautiful or it could be not - depends with whom you’re having it and for what reasons. But that’s just me.
By the way, Chase, I’ve tagged you. Please go to The Goddess In You and read my latest post for the rules.
See you and Odd in December!
joy
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Chase, finally got my new site up…it’s wordpress..and maybe when you’re not busy, I can have you fix it up a little?
I don’t think I can wham-bang-thank-you-Maam because it’s a girl thing. Mostly, we like to fall in love before sex. Of course, there’s exception to the rule.
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I do understand your point of view. But I think… it’s really a matter of choice based on so many factors — religion, values, etc. I know a few people who waited until they got married… and those people have been happily married for years.
I always say, “to each his own”.
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best wishes in advance!!!
chase, i’m planning to visit denmark next year…
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I would NEVER have sex before a relationship. It goes against my morals and good values. I would never have sex without love. I need that emotional attachment.
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My opinion is if you want to marry or live together with somebody you need to know both. Maybe two persons understand each other very well and have the same ideas and opinions but when it comes to sex they suddenly found out that this doesn’t work at all. It is very important to find out both and only then live together, marry or whatever.
BTW Today I take the Cyber Cruise members on a convoy through the Egyptian desert, so if you want to warm yourself up join us !
I’m with renny and Old Old lady. It depends on individuals and what you want out of it and honsty. It can work out to be long-term either way you play iy as youhave discovered. Hpe the wedding plans come through without a “hitch”!….except the main hitch!!
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we all have different opinions about this because we have different experiences. i got your POV on the said matter. it really depends on both parties and like what FruityOaty said there are a lot of factors for their choices. “different strokes for different folks”.
advance best wishessss!! im happy for you both!
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After one relationship that went so sour so fast, about 1 mth after we had sex, I’ll wait the next time. I want a relationship, not one hinged on sex. if the guy is worth his salt (or whatever) he’ll understand. Wait not till a ring or a wedding, but till the relationship has matured a bit. AND…If I ever write about jumping into bed with some guy less than 2 weeks after meeting him…pls someone…shoot me.
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hi, chase! when is odd coming again? did you say december something, because it’s already december and i’m excited for you!!!
wow, this post just reminded me how naive and inexperienced i am with those sort of things! i don’t even know what a post-cum jerk is… honestly. haha.
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Chase, I tagged you here: http://midasfive.the-princess.us/
coz, you know, you have all these free time!
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hello chase,
kumusta na….tagal na hindi ako nakapunta rito….knowing your happennings n whereabout…..sorry to say.
About your Present Post….before ganito ako,,,,,sex before married, never….and i alway say to my kids……sabi nila, hindi daw yan pwede….baka, huli na bago nila malaman na di pala sila bagay sa mga ito or sa isa´t isa.
kaya, yon i understand them, sascha is 18, kim is 15, pero alam mo na dito, hindi pa nga nagregla, wala na……….sory to say this, pero hindi na man lahat, pero mostly……
Ito na lang ang lagi ko isabi sa kanila…..as what you say here too…..
“If the person you are shagging with is still the same or adores you more then probably you found a keeper. Also you know that the person is not just after the sex but who you really are which is very important to have a long term relationship.”
sabi ko na lang…..don´t give your body to anybody, nga hindi mo sila mahal or gusto or in vice versa………
I am also very conservative or strict sa mga anak ko,…..but i would also understand them or i would say the Culture here………..
not mean nga, hala, tudo-kudo na lang……sabi ng mga anak ko,…they will not do it, kung wla silang feeling sa tao….
but, my kim is still my Baby until now……imagine she´s 15 already, with this age here………….you know, yappppppp
thanks for sharing the post…………..kumusta na ka…..kilala mo ba pa si AKO?…..
regardsssssss
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hellow! howre yu?
whres the update?
Congrats man!